jiggly

a funny thing happened to me the other day ... i felt jiggles. don't get me wrong, i've felt em before. i still remember the first time i felt jiggles to this day. i was in college, late for some class, and had to take off running. needless to say, i hadn't been exercising much at the time. anyway, off i went. and that's when it happened. it wasn't as graceful as i remembered it, running. i seemed to be bouncing a bit. and i looked down, and sure enough, i was jiggling. i put on the brakes immediately and made sure no one had noticed. then i quickly and quietly began my very first diet. and that's what i do now whenever i feel jiggles returning. i start to exercise a bit, maybe eat a little less, whatever. at least until the jiggles are gone.

back to the other day, though. every other time i've felt jiggles, i was running, or at least power-walking. this time, however, i hit a bump in the road and felt jiggles. you heard me right, a bump in the road. i jiggled in my car. maybe i've been ignoring the jiggles lately? there's no other explanation. i had to have been feeling them. i guess i didn't want to face the truth. partners have been coming into my office and telling me how pasty i look for months. i come back from lunch and constantly feel like i need to go to the little boy's room my pants are so tight. look in the mirror, jack mcdoer, look in the mirror.

something obviously needs to change. no more excuses. no more empty promises. no more dr. pepper with a side of cheetos for breakfast. this whole "car jiggle" thing has really caused me to do some soul-searching and find out what's really important to me, like weight, appearance, and material possessions. do i really need to eat barbeque three times a week? no. do i really need a large popcorn at every movie? a medium will do. this week i've been to salty iguana, wendy's, jose pepper's and taco bell. hell, i even bought and ate a 6-pound bag of gummy bears at costco. i've been telling my wife for months now that "i'm letting myself go," that "all the fat guys on sitcoms have skinny wives," and that "i'll go on a diet when i hit 2 bills." i read the south beach book and have been using it as a coaster. pathetic, just pathetic.

so i've started power-walking again. no major arm movements, though, you don't need to worry. 4 nites a week, plus 1 morning, that's the plan. you may see me scurrying through mission. many of you have probably gotten calls from me wondering why i was panting rather than talking. no i'm not stalking you. i'm just out walking. i don't wanna feel jiggles when i run anymore, but i really, really, really don't wanna feel jiggles in the car anymore.