before & after

before - busted & broken!


after - grilled to perfection!

you want the truth? you can't handle the truth

i finally have an excuse for taking my sweet ass time to post. i took my first deposition this week! i was up late all week thinking about the depo, writing out questions for the depo, and then worrying about the depo some more. i had no time to think about this blog. but lucky for me, and lucky for you, i have a topic for this post - my first depo, or at least the thirty minutes leading up to my first depo.


i woke up early the morning of to read over my questions. i hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, i'd written out my questions til 1 or 2 am, then worried about the questions, and the gutters, and the microwave, til about 3 or 4. i was obviously tired and i couldn't concentrate at home, so i drove to work with a 44 oz big gulp hoping to read over my questions there.

i got to work, but i couldn't stop pacing around the hallways, getting more and more coke, wiping the sweat from my face, and generally doing whatever i could not to lose it. finally, i told myself, jack mcdoer, you've got to sit down and read over your questions. you've got to prepare yourself.

so i went back to my office, plopped myself down in my leather reclining chair, propped my feet up on the desk and started to read through my questions. and i'll tell you what, i was starting to feel comfortable, starting to calm my nerves. no more than a minute later, though, i leaned back just a little bit more, and BOOM, my chair flipped right over and i went flying thru the air. the back of my head caught the edge of my credenza and i landed on the floor with a resounding thud.

i'm not sure i blacked out, but when i realized what had happened, the first thing i thought (besides wow, my head hurts) was how i was going to explain to my boss, at 8 am, that i couldn't do my first depo because i had fallen at the office, couldn't see straight and was gushing blood from my head. i ran to the break room refridgerator, and since they didn't have an ice pack, i just grabbed someone's weight watchers turkey casserole frozen lunch and put it on my head.

i tried to sit down and read my questions, but i just couldn't concentrate, i don't know whether it was the shooting pain in my head or the nerves. no more than a minute later, though, i got sick to my stomach and had to run to the bathroom. this was not going well.

by the time i got out, i had to jump in my car and head to the other lawyer's office. i kept the frozen lunch over my bump, darted in and out of traffic, illegally parked my car, grabbed my briefcase, ditched the frozen lunch and made it to the 10th floor just in time.

the depo went great. the bump on my head, however, still hurts.

jack is the walrus

contrary to recent blog comments, i'm not dead. i'm just not finished unpacking yet. my last post apparently didn't pull or even tug at many heartstrings. lol.

i love our new house. it's just a lot bigger than our old house. and there's a lot more to do. and a lot more to fix. we've already repaired the garbage disposal, replaced the washing machine hookups and retiled my wife's leaky shower, and we don't even have blinds up yet (although i'm getting kind of used to prancing around naked in the house for all the neighborhood to see) or furniture for our formal living room.

don't get me wrong. i don't mean to complain. there's a lot of great things about our new house. the ping-pong room is a big improvement. it's much better lit and it's even carpeted. i'm 5-0 against my wife on our new turf. can you say domination?

the move went well, all in all, except for one horrible, disastrous moment. my brother borrowed a friend's pickup truck so that we could take my mom's spare table and chair over to the new house. everything was going according to plan, we had the furniture with room to spare, and i suggested that we stop by sears and grab the grill that my wife had bought me for my 300th birthday. i hadn't seen it yet, but it was a thing of beauty -four burners, stainless steel, it even had a griddle so i could make mcgriddles. anyway, it was all put together and my brother and i loaded it into the pickup truck and wedged it (upright) between the table and chair. it was only five minutes to my house, and we made it four and a half minutes with no problem. on the turn into my new neighborhood, prairie dogs, however, we went a little too fast and the grill flew out, end over end, and crashed into the street and split in half. no more steakburgers.

i do want to end this post on a better note because i've been in generally good spirits. my wife will say that i still worry about gutters, and she's probably right, but still my basketball team, the mighty cobra kai, finally won a game! after reeling off 11 straight losses, we hung on to beat a very good buffalo team by three points. i, of course, was only there in spirit, since i was in the middle of moving, but a win is a win, and i'll take it anyway i can get it.