right to arm bears

my wife and i watched little kids not once, but twice, this weekend. yes, you heard it right, twice.

we took our 5-year-old niece to the royals game on saturday, and despite the fact that our boys in blue gave up 10 runs in the first inning, i had a whole lotta fun.

quite frankly, when i woke up in the morning, i thought to myself, jack mcdoer, it wouldn't be so bad to have a little jack mcdoer the sixth running around and waking me up to go get donuts.

i'm not ready to start a family, am i?

well, thankfully, the answer is still no. my step-sister brought my 7-month-old niece over in the afternoon. i thought it'd be fun to sit and play with her by the tv and watch football. there were some great games on, you know. colts vs. jags. steelers vs. bengals.

let's just say the day didn't go as planned. my little niece is the cutest little thing in the whole wide world, but between the shrieking and crying and pooping and shrieking, i didn't see a single peyton manning pass or a chad johnson touchdown celebration.

after her parents came and took her back, i turned to my wife and told her there was no way i was ever having a child. never ever.

later that night, we got into a little fight about who-knows-what, but i huffed and puffed and screamed and shouted, and she told me i was a small child, and i stormed out and got into my car and sped to best buy (why do i always go to best buy when i'm upset).

i came back a few minutes later, with a heart-felt apology and a cd i had bought myself - the open season soundtrack. in all fairness, it's a paul westerberg album. i mean, he wrote and performed all the songs. anyway, she laughed at me and told me that i was still a small child but that she loved me. and then we danced to "meet me in the meadow" and "right to arm bears."

dreams can come true ...

the rainmaker's coming ... to soak us with water

judging by the number of comments i've been getting lately, i figure i can write about anything i want. sports, music, life, it doesn't really matter. but rather than try to spice things up to attract new readers, or any readers for that matter, i'm gonna stick with what i do best. complaining. so instead of posting nude pictures of the girls of the big 12, i'm gonna write about watering my yard. yeah, you heard me, watering my yard.

you all know by now that we moved into a new house, but i'm not sure you knew that we had a mud field for a yard. we uprooted something like seven trees (we're clearly dinks, and not tree huggers) and now we're in the seeding state. not the garden state. i hate that movie.

they tell me i'm supposed to water morning and night. for 3 weeks straight. wet, but no puddles. moist, but not muddy. damn, do they know how hard it is for me just to figure out how to actually get water to every fucking square inch of my yard?

the first time after "the seeding" (that sounds like a good horror movie title), i must have spent 3 hours in the dark yelling at the sky, cursing the new sprinklers that i bought, and kicking the hoses in disgust. i think i had a nervous breakdown. yep. my wife was sick in bed, and i'm pretty sure i stormed upstairs, with mud on every inch of my body, carrying a busted sprinkler and shouting for her to get out of bed and somehow fix everything.

you probably think i'm joking.

god i wish it would rain. a little, but not a lot. for three weeks straight. wet, but no puddles. moist, but not muddy.

hail to thee, my alma mater

i'm a jayhawk.

my wife's a terrier.


obviously, ku is the finest university in all the land. bu's pretty good too.

but both of our beloved schools have been in the headlines lately, and not for good reasons. i'll let you decide which is worst.

at bu, "under a new campus policy, anyone caught swearing or taunting the opposing players with racist or sexist chants during games face ejection, and repeated offenders could even be banned." according to the dean, "we wanted to make clear that games should be spirited and lively, but standing and shouting obscenities does not have a place. i don't equate school spirit with the yelling of obscenities." that's a shame, cuz i do. fuck mu!

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=2584380

at ku, on the other hand, a freshman made history - becoming the first male on the rock chalk dance team. regarding his gender difference, the freshman states “ i had to keep true to myself and keep doing what i love to do. i never felt restrictions because i'm a very strong-willed person.” he understands that people may be hesitant, but confidently proclaims "i know how to perform, i know how to get the crowd going.” wow. if i said what i'm thinking, i'd be thrown right off of bu campus!

http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2006/aug/11/

bring on the major leagues

it's been a long time since i've written anything. and it's been an even longer time since i've written anything about sports. i figured everyone knows by now that i am an elite basketball player (despite the fact that cobra kai only won one game in its first two seasons) and a special volleyball talent (regardless of whether the "serve aces" lost to an all-girls team last nite). but i'm excited about sports lately - the chiefs' season kicks off this weekend, my jayhawks are going to be ranked in the top 5 come november, and my fantasy football team looks quite promising - and damnit, i'm gonna write about sports in this post.

i've been to two, count em, two, different baseball stadiums this past month (three if you count the "k," where the lowly royals are fighting not to lose one hundred games rather than fighting for the wild card).

first, my dad, brother, step-brother-in-law and i went to chicago to historic wrigley field, where this beautiful picture was taken:

i made the mistake of sending it to my co-workers, who promptly ordered copies on shutterfly.com to decorate their offices and create t-shirts and coffee mugs with.

second, i went to brand-new, state-of-the-art, busch stadium in downtown st. louis. here's a picture of me outside the park:

nice, huh? when my wife was taking this picture, people all around where whispering and pointing. i'm pretty sure they thought i was someone famous or something.

at the game, albert pujols hit three home runs. he almost hit four.

he's as good at baseball as i am at basketball and volleyball.