tongue

rather than post you tube videos, i figure i'll post something of substance this morning. and, since my wife told me last night that i always say the wrong thing and never seem to make sense (i like to say that it's because i have so much going on upstairs), i'm going to give you a rundown of some of my more recent slips of the tongue:

#1 - i think i've complained to a lot of you about my neighbors' neighborliness, or lack thereof. i mean, no one's come up to me while i'm out in the yard and said "hello, neighbor" or knocked on the door and welcomed the mcdoers to the block with banana nut bread. not one single neighbor. when i moved into prairie dog estates, i thought it'd be different. i imagined friendly waves, joggers stopping to talk about the weather and neighborhood carnivals. anyway, that's not the way it's turned out. and the more i think about it, the more i realize that it may have something to do with my one and only encounter with a neighbor. i was moving boxes in and out of the new house, sweaty and tired, when a woman pulled up in the driveway next to ours. i walked over and introduced myself, blah blah blah, and she told me that she was a teacher and that she had a 10 year old son who loved to learn about geography. then, drum roll please, i asked her what her husband did. before she answered, i knew i had said something wrong. her face contorted and changed shape several times, and she said i'm not married. yikes!

#2 - this probably qualifies as more of a "never makes sense" than a "always says the wrong thing," as does example #3, but, as you all know by now, i've been obsessed with a little o about watering the lawn lately. and yes, it has led to an argument or three about chores in the 50/50 democratic style, as opposed to the 1950's housewife standard, mcdoer household. my wife has started complaining that i'm not doing enough, and i usually kick and scream and moan and groan about the fact that i'm in the yard sprinkling two hours every night and shouldn't have to do anything else. so, anyway, we were having one of those arguments, i think she wanted me to rinse off my dishes and load the dishwasher (i don't like that), and i didn't want to. so we screamed and hollered, and i stormed downstairs toward the garage, yellling "i'm not going to do the ****** ******* dishes, i'm going to go water the garage." oops. she told me that i could go ahead and water the garage and find some place cozy to sleep out there too.

#3 - last, but not least, we went out to dinner the other night with my wife's work friends. i, of course, got the obligatory be appropriate and keep it clean speech on the car ride over. and i did. i think. but i guess i didn't make sense. after a few awkard hellos and grumblings about the weather, i decided to break the ice and tell everyone how excited i was about our newest purchase, devo. now we were going to be able to record our favorite tv shows, like laguna beach, and even fast forward thru commercials! they all looked at me kind of funny though. i said, c'mon guys, you know, devo, time warner sells it, you can rewind live tv. devo. then they all burst out laughing. my wife turned to me and said that we bought dvr, not tivo, and that we most certainly didn't buy the band devo. then i went to the bathroom.