things are as bad as they seem

sorry it's been a while. power-walking and blogging just don't go that well together. i'm trying to make time for both, though, so don't you worry. i wish i could tell you that i am just shedding the pounds, but it'd be a lie. it's a slow process. my pants, however, don't feel so tight after a trip to the godfather's lunch buffet. and that's at least a start, right?


this week, well the past several weeks, haven't been that great, hence the picture of a shark eating a man and his helicopter. there's a tree that needs to be trimmed and internal resorption that must be stopped, my wife's depressed about turning 26, and the shirt and tie ensemble i was so proud to wear yesterday got me nothing but obscene circus comments and partners in my office making ice cream truck sounds.

so i did what all tired and depressed young men do, i called my mom. her advice was to start a "grateful list." each day, i'm supposed to list 10 new things that i'm grateful for. now don't worry, i'm not gonna start blogging my damn grateful list for you to read every day. this is probably the one and only grateful list i'll ever actually write, but since i'm so down in the dumps, here are 10 things i'm grateful for today:

1) kruncheze. they're like cheetos, only cheaper. you can get a great big bag of em for 99 cents at hyvee.

2) other people's kids. i've got a nephew and a niece, and i have another set on the way this winter. some of my friends have em too. don't think i'm getting all soft on you, you know why i like em, you can see em for an hour or two, play with em, laugh with em, watch em be kids, but when all the screaming and crying and pooping starts, you can walk right out the door. no sleepless nites, no kids songs, and no soccer games. you get lotsa benefits without lotsa work. when else does that happen? the other nite, my wife and i went over to a friend's house for some barbecuing and kid time. he's got 3 of em, including a newborn. i figured it'd kill any urge my wife might have for at least 3 months (that's a good rule of thumb, 1 kid, 1 month longer my wife won't wanna have em). anyway, we're all huddled around the dinner table, and his middle child, a little 2-year-old girl, wasn't eating her food. everyone, including me, was asking her why she wasn't eating, and she got this look on her face, a very mischievous look, and said that her brother, the newborn, "eats mom's boob for dinner." i don't know where it came from or why she said it, but i haven't stopped laughing about it since.

3) the fact that i don't have kids of my own. we go out both nites of the weekend, way past our bed time. we go out on weekdays. we see concerts, football games, movies. we do whatever we want. and spoil ourselves rotten. when we wanna see kids, we don't have to go far.

4) gummi bears. bouncing here & there & everywhere. only by themselves, though. we have some good friends who order them in their ice cream. it's embarassing. "vanilla with gummi bears, please." "double chocolate almond fudge with gummi bears, sir." these are grown adults. it wierds me out.

5) tv shows. desperate housewives, gray's anatomy, curb your enthusiasm, laguna beach, my name is earl, the office, real world - austin, the apprentice. they get me through the week.

6) my wife. she still makes me laugh. and she's very, very cute.

7) buying cds. i bought 7, yes 7, of em this week. fiona apple, extraordinary machine; my morning jacket, z; franz ferdinaaaand, you could have it better; neil young, prairie wind; ryan adams, jacksonville city nights; wolf parade, apologies to queen mary; and wilco, a ghost is born.

8) movie popcorn. even if i can only get a medium now.

9) my new dentist. what a difference. i never knew it could be like this. i walked into the office and everyone, including the receptionist, the hygienist and my new dentist, knew my name, what i did for a living, and what my long-term dental goals were. (yes, i filled out an application, but they took the time to learn it). it's like the cheers of dentistry.

10) that fact that i'm done with this damn grateful list.